Today began with a very important laundry investigation. I discovered one sock near the hallway, one sock by the bed, and one sock trying to escape under the chair. Obviously I alerted the humans with my best mini Aussie stomp-and-stare routine.
They said, “Max, those are just socks.” Incorrect. They were evidence. Evidence of what? I was still collecting data, which is why I carried one to the living room and placed it in the middle of the floor for committee review.
Oski came over to inspect my findings and immediately tried to turn the meeting into a wrestling seminar. I used my paws to explain that this was serious business, but he thought my paws meant “begin brother chaos.” The humans laughed, which is not how court records are supposed to work.
Later I practiced a few training moves. I sat, waited, made excellent eye contact, and accepted one snack as payment. I then requested additional back pay for the sock investigation, hallway patrol, and emotional labor of being misunderstood. Negotiations remain open.
After dinner I heard a suspicious noise by the door and gave one professional bark. The humans said it was “probably the house settling.” Friends, houses do not settle. They plot quietly. I stayed on watch for seven more minutes, then took a nap because even security chiefs need to recharge their ears.
Anyway, the sock situation is temporarily contained. The humans still do not understand my full report, but tomorrow I will try again using squeaks, spins, and maybe a more dramatic hallway flop.